Why It's Important To Give Yourself Time

Slowly but surely throughout my adult life, I'm coming to realize that everything happens in it's own time. It's not even just in weight loss, giving yourself time with your mental health, a project your working on, and even some of your relationships can speak wonders. We often fall into these groves of believing that if we don't fix something right away, we've failed. If I can't lose all 10lbs in a month... I've failed. If I can't complete my project in the first week... I've failed. If I can't pull myself out of depression after a couple days... I've failed. This is 100% false. I want to tell you a story about my life and how I came to this realization. I used to beat myself up a lot about... well everything. I constantly compared myself to others and found myself in a constant negative. My life never seemed as good as those around me, I didn't seem to have a handle on my emotions like Jen did, or Todd. I didn't know where to even start most days... I was setting myself up for failure before I even started. When we put a time-frame on something, it can definitely be a good motivator. What's more important though, is acknowledging that the time-frame you put on yourself, might not be the most accurate for you. Five years ago I wrote a book. After years of trying and stopping, I finally sat down during nanowrimo and poured my heart out. I was overcome with an idea for a fictional novel and just had to, as they say, put pen to paper. Growing up, I had a lot of trouble in school and even though I was a "bright" student, my anxieties and diagnosed learning disabilities stopped me from my full potential. I constantly beat myself up because things didn't come easy to me. I hated going into a separate room to write my tests because it meant acknowledging that the part of me that I was most self-conscious about, was true. I've always loved to write, I spent many hours writing little short stories full of spelling errors that I shared with almost no one. I had hoped that I could make something out of passion one day but also constantly lived with the thought and doubt that it would never be possible. In grade 8 I was diagnosed with a learning disability that hindered my capabilities to spell. It didn't mean that it was impossible, but it did mean I would have to work a lot harder to produce something that someone would actually care to read... this was my belief anyway. I remember small comments that were made from others to insinuate I was less than, and it absolutely broke my heart. Every time I would start writing, I would get fed up and stop. I would give up on something I loved because I truly believed I wasn't capable... over and over again. In grade 10 I was just about to give up, I dropped all my classes to the lower "applied" level versus "academic" and I stopped writing. I shifted my focus to music and the arts because I so longed for creativity, but completely gave up on the logical, academic side of things. Then, one school semester, I walked into my english class and met my new teacher. Mr. Fetter, this man will never truly know how much he gave me hope and inspiration, but it stuck with me for the rest of my life. He encouraged us to write, he saw potential, and he took the time to read over my short stories, (something not previously done/ not something I would have put out there.) I still remember handing him this story I wrote about a teenage vampire girl (yes, I was a bit of a nerd.) I was incredibly nervous to hand it to him because I had grown so much respect for this man in such a short time. I didn't want to be vulnerable and my self-doubt was so powerful that I truly believed he would only come back with negative feedback. One day after class, he called me up to his desk and handed back my small booklet. He gave me his constructive criticism gently, and complimented my dialogue. "You are great at writing dialogue. I can easily tell who is talking without needing to be told and that is an amazing skill to have. Don't stop writing." This little comment sparked so much in me and made it so I would never completely stop my passion. Years went by, my focus shifted to how I was going to survive in the world instead of following my dreams, as most teenagers do. I went off to college and started my life, until one November in 2015 I decided to finally finish what I started. You see... I needed to get to a point where I allowed myself the time to truly believe in myself. When I finally finished that novel, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I have put over 65000 words to paper and finally finished a full book... something I never thought I would be able to accomplish. The whole time holding that memory of a teacher believing in me, in the back of my mind. I cried... like more then I want to admit, and I was so excited to share it with the world. But then doubt set in once more and I knew I couldn't handle negative feedback (despite the large amount of positive feedback that was coming my way from anyone who read Forgetting Theodore.) Every time someone would take my novel and not finish it, or not comment on it, I would fall apart inside and all those doubts would come creeping back in. I started to believe that the ones who had said positive things had only done it because they cared for me. I stopped writing. Years went by and I battled my mental health on and off as I would try time and time again to tap into the thing I loved. I tried over and over to edit the novel I was so proud of, but would get a few pages in before giving up and getting distracted by other things.

Then one year, I proved my doubts wrong again as I worked to lose over 100 lbs. I grew self confidence, I posted my story on instagram and this crazy thing happened... People started to comment on my posts, started to follow me, and started to send me messages about how much they enjoyed my captions. How much they loved what I'd written, how well it was written, how it moved them, and how it inspired them. My love of writing came back. Several times throughout my life I thought about starting a blog. I wanted to expand on my thoughts and feelings but didn't truly think anyone would listen. It's through this platform that my love of writing came back with full force, and now I'm finally sitting down to finish editing a book thats 5 years in the making. The funny part is, now that I'm here I know that it was just the right amount of time needed. After years of beating myself up for not being able to complete my goals, a.k.a. the novel I worked so hard on, it all makes sense. Instagram and this blog have helped me improve my writing skills. Weight loss has given me the confidence I needed to believe in myself again. So many beautiful things have lead up to this point and the time taken was exactly what I needed. A point where I can accept criticism without shutting down. A point where I have the belief in myself to put my novel out there. A point where I have the drive needed to complete the goals I set out for myself. You guys have made such an impact on my life, so please know that your impact will come too. You will find, in your own time, what is needed to push you to believe in yourself again. Whatever that goal is, you're capable of it. Whatever that passion is, you can get to a point where you find your passion again. Whatever that want is, you can get it. If it takes time to get there, that's okay, that's what was needed. Don't compare yourself to others, this is your own damn timeline. I can't wait to share this book with you, as I edit I grow more excited seeing how far I've come. I can't wait to show you what I've been putting so much thought into for the past 5 years and I'm not sorry in the slightest that it's taken as long as it has. Time to start believing in yourself a little more, because I sure do. <3